Scientists have just confirmed there is a direct correlation between one’s intelligence and one’s ability to correctly pronounce “Worcestershire Sauce.” While this discovery is firmly rooted in scientific fact, the scientists refuse to specify whether the relationship is positive or negative, so, my readers, I implore you to test it on your friends and make an immediate deduction based on their pronunciation and your perception of their intelligence.

Please, I beg of you, don’t waste any time, just go right out and say it in front of them. Share your discoveries with the world.

XOXO, Foster Lambert Heuer