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Essay Prompts, Presidents, and The Illuminati – Ask Imelda

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Beyonc%C3%A9+looks+down+at+her+loyal+subjects+as+they+pledge+allegiance+to+her+and+the+New+World+Order.
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Essay Prompts, Presidents, and The Illuminati – Ask Imelda

Beyoncé looks down at her loyal subjects as they pledge allegiance to her and the New World Order.

Beyoncé looks down at her loyal subjects as they pledge allegiance to her and the New World Order.

Beyoncé looks down at her loyal subjects as they pledge allegiance to her and the New World Order.

Beyoncé looks down at her loyal subjects as they pledge allegiance to her and the New World Order.

Imelda,

Which past world leader in your opinion was the most successful? Ronald Reagan, Winston Churchill, or Margaret Thatcher. Please give evidence why you chose this leader.

Which US President has been the most successful in the past one hundred years?

 

 

My Dearest Reader,

Thank you so very much for this very insightful essay prompt.  I’m positive that your World History teacher would be proud of the fact that you seem to be brainstorming your term paper already.  While I could sit here and rattle off a litany of facts from any one of those leaders’ densely populated Wikipedia pages to defend my choice, I refuse to do so.  My dear, quizzical reader, the scope of your question is too narrow.  Rather than who out of these three was the most successful and influential world leader, you should ask who is the most successful and influential world leader of all time.  Prepare to get woke, my friends.

If you have been alive for the past couple of years, you are probably aware that the world is actually run by a shadowy collection of (allegedly) lizard people known as the Illuminati.  This group controls everything important that happens in the world and is behind such sinister plots as the perpetuation of the myth of the existence of Finland and the hiding of aliens in Area 51.  Because of the existence of this organization, the very premise of your question is flawed.  The world leaders I was given to choose from were powerless to the whims of the Illuminati.  The true most influential world leaders are in control of this secret cabal.  Because of this basic premise, I am forced to say that the most powerful world leader is one of the few known ringleaders of this global conspiracy: Beyoncé.

Beyoncé has long been proven to be an Illuminati member, but due to the fact that I was required to justify my answer by the given essay prompt astute question, I will further prove her involvement:

  1. She mentioned it in a song – In her latest album, Beyoncé mentions the Illuminati in her song “Formation,” trying to tie the theory to ‘haters’ and throw Illuminati truthers off of her scent. This only serves to prove her involvement in the group (only someone in the Illuminati would feel the need to frantically defend herself against assertions of her involvement in this organization- guilty until proven innocent).
  2. Triangle hands – She often makes a triangle with her hands, reference to the Masonic all-seeing eye, which is found on the back of the dollar bill, and is a known symbol that was appropriated from the Freemasons by the Illuminati.
  3. Twins – Beyoncé recently announced she will be having twins, as in 2 children. When you multiply the number of children she will be having (2) by 333, the result is 666, the sign of the devil and a known Illuminati symbol (appropriated from Satanists and the Biblical mark of the beast).  Further proving this, she will have 3 total children following the birth of the twins.  3  x 222 = 666.

If you actually want a (somewhat) real answer, I’ll always lean towards Ronald Reagan cuz Murica.

 

As for the most successful president of these great and united states, I again object to the premise of the question and will simply state the most successful US President of all time.  As a keen observer of many documentaries surrounding the Civil War era, my answer to that question would clearly have to be Abraham Lincoln.  I have NEVER before seen a vampire wandering throughout the contiguous United States (don’t ask me about my awful Alaska trip), and as such, I am practically obligated to say that President Lincoln’s vampire slaying firmly cemented his legacy as the most successful president in the history of the United States.

Again, if you actually wanted a real answer for some reason, I’d go with like FDR cuz the man got four terms, beat a depression and Nazis all while being confined to a wheelchair from polio.  That’s pretty intense.

 

Indubitably,

Imelda

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About the Writer
Imelda, Advice Columnist

Imelda is the local advice columnist who snuck in before Hesse closed off the gates and still hasn't been found.   Her favorite color is #e65c00 (carrot...

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