Sage’s Cheeseburger Soup

(A Commentary and Recipe (Guesstimation))

We have all see great – and not so great – foods from the Sage cafeteria, but the most uniquely intriguing food to ever be served was the infamous cheeseburger soup. Many may remember the dish which appeared frequently over the last couple of years on days following hamburger day, yet only the bravest of souls have dared to approach this creative recycling of meat. (One may also notice that we have never seen cheese burgers served in cafeteria, simply hamburgers. Where this concept of a cheeseburger soup comes from we may never know.) So today, I will be taking a gander at what transpires in the making of such a dish, while never having made or tasted it.

1. Buy meat in massive quantities to feed an entire school.
2. Make 1300 hamburgers.
3. Have 200 hamburgers left over.
4. Wait overnight.
5. Remove the top bun of these burgers and apply cheese. (Use the illogically located panini press to ensure an extra-melty cheese consistency.)
6. Return Buns
7. Boil entire cheeseburger in 5 gallons of students tears collected by terrifying children with the idea of cheeseburger soup.
8. Stir the Sage cauldron while saying incantations.
9. Leave in soup serving station to never be touched.
10. Repeat every hamburger day much to the chagrin of students and teachers alike.